Slipping

    I try my best just to get away,

forget the fear and the pain.

Push it down for one more day…

I feel myself slipping

the edge is so close

closing in on me-

still can’t use that fear to stop

one more time to obliterate

this agony…

Advertisements

Addicts

Who is an addict?

An addict is a nurse who has worked with pain for so long, she is desperate for relief. Sixty hour weeks to pay the bills. The pain is so severe, she cries at night, lying in bed, longing for the relief of sleep.

An addict is a mother, who adores her children. Terrified that no matter how hard she tries, she isn’t enough for them. She won’t live up to their needs, the perfect mother they deserve. How can she guide them through life, when she is so unsure herself? How to keep them close, away from the pain the world can bring…

A girl who dislikes everything about herself. Socially akward, constantly wondering what other’s think about her. A woman who remains uncomfortable in her own skin. Dreaming of self confidence, but it always remains an arm’s length away.

A daughter of an addict. A daughter of an alcoholic. A daughter of a dead addict, passed so long ago-it seems another lifetime. A resolution made, never to be anything like them. How can one have children, and still use? Still drink? If only they had stuck with AA. If only they had actually participated in NA. What a waste of a life, gone at 39, never to see 40…

Another resolution, this time to last. The daughter to beat addiction. The one to not give up. The one who knows what and who she has to live for…and all she has to lose.